Resilience

    YAY! Email from Taegan this afternoon. What a great way to end the day. Her email was great to read, and read, and read, and read to Erin, and read to Sean, and read again. Take a moment and go to her page and read it -- I posted it immediately. There was an "economy of words" driving home from work reading it with my sweet wife. OK, now that we've all read it I'd like to make a comment.

    My biggest fear of Taegan going on a mission: None. My sweet girl is tough. She's tough and strong. She's really strong. No, she's super strong. She's a super hero. A universal heroine. A Master of the Universe -- no that's He-man. OK, you get my drift. You read her post, right? She said she was scared about going. This is what I want to talk about because it's been on my mind.

    As a parent I feel it necessary to take away any discomfort, pain, or uncertainty my kids might endure. I don't, but it is an undeniable force I have to fight against. There is benefit in letting kids stretch, grow, and test boundaries. Of course, I sometimes have to put my foot down and say absolutely not because it really can't be any other way due to spiritual or temporal safety, but this also helps children grow. You must establish rules and consequences so they know the lanes in which they must operate. This allows them to feel secure enough to try new things. However, there are times they fail, and that's OK too.

    I can hear Pat saying, " You did that just to prove I was wrong." Yes, and no! I use it as a tool, not a stick. Yes, because I want them to get into the habit of seeking and recognizing wise counsel. No, because I don't want to hurt or belittle them because they chose a wrong course of action. I've heard them say to one another, when they thought I wasn't around, "Dad and Mom were right." Now I know I could only get them to repeat those lines under the severest form of torture, but even when I don't hear it, I know they're thinking it. Why, because I see them seek advice from adults they respect, act on that advice, and become more resilient in the face of adversity.

    Taegan was scared, but she went. She knew it was what she wanted to do even though it would have been easier to call us and say, "Come get me, I can't do it." So, my angst over the fear, anxiety, and pain my little ones might be experiencing was occupying my every thought. I know, trust in God brother (man, even Pat told me he was in the best hands possible). Then, sitting on the couch one afternoon worrying, I picked up our Church magazine (called the Ensign) and opened to an article. Blessing # 3: Raising Resilient Children, by Lyle J. Burrup. This article answered many questions that had been going through my mind; Did I teach them well enough? Have I made them feel strong enough? Will they feel our great love for them even when apart?

    Quote from the article: "Another mark of resilience is to see great purpose and meaning in life and people. A sense of purpose will help our children avoid giving up, in spite of setbacks and pressure to do so. If our children are becoming more resilient, they will develop deep values that guide them: charity, virtue, integrity, honesty, work ethic, and faith in God. They will involve themselves in what is happening around them and opt for commitment to values rather than feel alienated and avoid struggle. The gospel teaches and reinforces these values and perceptions." Yes, they were ready to meet this challenge.

    Then I received Taegan's email from the MTC and this was confirmed again.

    Love my kids and miss them desperately! They are heroes to me.